The fastest red card ever recorded in professional football (soccer) history was given just 2 seconds after kickoff.
It happened in 2000, when Lee Todd was playing for Cross Farm Park Celtic in an English Sunday league match. As the referee blew the whistle to start the game, Todd reportedly said, "F** me, that was loud"*, and the ref immediately gave him a red card for foul language.
Technically, it wasn't even for a foul play — just inappropriate language right after kickoff. Definitely not how you want to start a match.